In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
