I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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