I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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