Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
