You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
