Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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