We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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