i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
