I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
