Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
