spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
