This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
