And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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