My Higher Power is John Stamos
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who died my cat blue again?
COCAINE IS GR8
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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