question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
