If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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