you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
