What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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