Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You have to summon your inner elephant
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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