Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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