Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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