I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
