i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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