Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
