I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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