I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
