My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
