I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's like heaven, but drunker
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
