My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
