this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
