Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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