She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
