He kissed a someone with a penis
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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