before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
