When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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