I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is my gift to your gina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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