It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
