all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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