evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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