What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize