You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
