He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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