Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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