i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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