4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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