It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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