so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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