Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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