I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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