sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
