Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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