I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
